0 %
SIMULATING WILL TO LIVE...
DIAGNOSTICS DEGRADATION EVIDENCE SEND HELP
Biological Failure Detected

RITESH
chauhan

My parents wanted a Doctor. They got a guy who centers <div>s for a living.

Currently pursuing a BSc in Biology just to know exactly which plants to eat when my servers crash.

npm uninstall social-life sudo rm -rf sleep while(alive) { suffer(); } git blame parents npm uninstall social-life sudo rm -rf sleep while(alive) { suffer(); } git blame parents

01. SUBJECT_AUTOPSY

The Disappointment.

I switched from Mathematics to Biology in 12th grade because of "Family Expectations."

Now, while my peers are dissecting frogs, I'm dissecting legacy PHP code. Honestly, the frog smells better. But code gives me immediate errors, whereas life just gives me anxiety.

PLAGIARISM
0
Lines Stolen
TOXICITY
Fatal
Caffeine Level
FEATURES
Undocumented Issues
STATUS
404
Sleep Not Found
psych_eval.json
const Ritesh = {
  "degree": "Useless",
  "skills": ["Backend", "Existential Dread"],
  "parentsProud": null,
  "socialLife": undefined
};
MENTAL STATE
Stability: 5%
CONTRIBUTIONS
I have no life.

Languages I speak better than Hindi

JS (PAIN)
PYTHON
PHP (SORRY)
MYSQL
HTML5
RED BULL

02. THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL

2018 - THE INNOCENT ERA

High School Biology

I touched grass. I had 20/20 vision. I thought Java was just coffee.

2021 - THE MISTAKE

Hello World

I wrote my first line of code. It worked. The dopamine hit ruined my life.

2025 - THE AFTERMATH

Full Stack Degenerate

I speak fluent JSON. I hate printers. My back hurts.

03. CRIMINAL RECORDS

PROJECT_01

RANDOMOUS

PHPSQL

Twitter for people who hate themselves. An anonymous social platform because Facebook knows too much and I wanted to build something that knows nothing.

STATUS: BANNED
PROJECT_02 // CLASSIFIED

EXPERIMENTAL LABS

I built experimental platforms to test high-traffic server loads using... "adult-oriented" content. The University IT Cell called it "A Violation of Policy". I called it "Stress Testing the Firewall".

They nuked it. But the paywall logic was solid.

HOVER TO DECRYPT

SEND PACKETS

Have a project? Or just want to ask why I haven't dropped out yet?
Do not ask me to fix your printer.